August 24th - Ultrasound Practices

In case you missed the epilogue: Previously on "Not without my Bullox"...

My Ultrasound was finally scheduled at Fairview for Thursday the 24th of August. To put things into perspective, it is very similar to an Ultrasound a pregnant woman might have but... you know... location and context are everything. 

It's difficult to describe how awkward and exposed it feels to have a very talkative ultrasound technician apply gel and a wand to your man-scrote. There's really no way to "prepare" for it per se, it's just plain awkward.

Not pictured: me or my dignity

Know how it can get more awkward? When the formerly talkative ultrasound tech falls silent halfway through the procedure. You know when you get the sense something in the room changed? That happened. In spades. The rest of the 10 minutes was dead silent for the most part, though she did tell me the "Wah wah wah wah" sound I was hearing was blood flow (not a baby).

She completed the procedure and I asked her when I could expect the results, 

"Usually 1 - 2 business days. The radiologist will review today and then send over to your Doctor for review. That's usually what takes the 1 - 2 days."

She told me to get dressed and she would be back in a moment. The moment came pretty quickly. She stepped back into the room with a phone in her hand, "It's your doctor, they'd like to speak to you."

Oh how the air changed again. I took the phone and she left the room, "Michael, it sounds like the radiologist saw one or two masses on your right testicle. We're going to refer you to the Urologist for a consult as soon as possible."

Well that certainly didn't tell me much, "Should I be alarmed?" 

"Well, obviously, the concern is that the mass is a testicular cancer. So we'll want to take care of that as soon as possible. Our office will be in touch later today with an appointment at Urology Associates. They're all great doctors. They will take care of you."

My first thought as I handed the phone back to the ultrasound tech was, Obvious? Is it REALLY obvious? 

The tech took the phone and asked if I needed a moment. Still not knowing exactly what was going besides the obvious concern about testicular cancer, I told her no and left Fairview.

I decided the best place to go would be my parents place which was nearby. During the car ride, the gravity of the situation started to sink in. There were plenty of thoughts, none of them good, running through my head. I smiled when I walked in the door to meet my mom and tell her about the results. 

Can you imagine? Smiling. I tried to play keep it together but when she asked about the results I broke down. I couldn't get the words out. I wanted to say, "They think they found a mass on one of my testicles. They're worried its cancer." But the words didn't come. Only a sigh, a deep breath and a few tears. 

My parents were extremely supportive and having gone through health scares of their own, could relate. The consult with the Urologist was scheduled for the following Monday, August 28th. I made the decision to withhold talking about it outside of my parents until I had a clear idea of what it was and what the treatment might be. I decided to forgo a trip to Denver that weekend for a Bachelor party. No reason to ruin white water rafting by having my testicle explode. 

As far as most people were concerned, I had an unspecified infection and possibly a cyst that would require surgical removal. Not far from the truth as I found at the Urologist the following week.

Prior to August 23rd - Office Clerical Errors

Previously on Ballpoint View: 

A week ago, I took a trip to see my Primary Care Doctor, the reason? Well in the shower the previous morning, as I was soaping up, one of my two boys hit my hand like a golf ball. 

Not everyone might be aware but that is not normal. I called my primary care doctor that morning after some panic induced WebMD-ing. Spoiler alert: WebMD was right this time. It was Cancer. 

My primary care doc prescribed some antibiotics (as the other possibility was it could be an infection) and referred me for a precautionary ultrasound. When I agreed with the course of action, he thanked me for being willing to go in for the ultrasound. That seemed odd, but it certainly could be the case that some men are just unwilling to get it checked for fear of confirming what it is.

During the following week, I was ping-ponged back and forth between the Imaging Hospital -- who had yet to receive the faxed order -- and my primary care office who continually reiterated they had, in fact, faxed the order over. 

Not pictured: Helpful Staff

Let's take a moment here to address what I'm sure will be a running theme through this ordeal: Even with the excellent people and technology in medicine now, many aspects of it are still woefully outdated and frustrating to deal with. 4 days were lost between the time of the referral for an ultrasound and the actual scheduling of it. No accountability was taken on either side of the equation to ensure it was scheduled and required me -- who at this point was terrified -- to proactively call back and forth between the parties. Turns out the problem was an outdated fax number.  

Being forced to call back to the year 2002 to get my ultrasound scheduled was frustrating, even as my testicle continued to grow. No one helped. Everyone pointed fingers: "Check back in 4 hours, that's usually how long it takes to process the fax." "We just faxed it over again, give them an hour or so to receive it." and around and around. 

So finally, Ultrasound order sent, I scheduled a date for my testicle prom photos on Thursday, August 24th. And that's what we'll go through next.